Kelly Clarkson has remained out of the public eye for the past two weeks since the passing of her ex-husband Brandon Blackstock, in order to support their kids.
The singer and talk show host, 43, welcomed daughter River, 11, and son Remy, nine, with her late ex, who passed away on August 7 at the age of 48. The pair were married from 2013 to 2022, and while their split was acrimonious, they remained committed co-parents.
In the wake of his loss, the mom-of-two has devoted a majority of her time to supporting her kids through their grief. Rachel FitzD, author, retired specialist midwife, and a baby and parenting expert, shared some insight with HELLO! on the complicated process of discussing death and grieving with young kids that Kelly and other parents have experienced.
"As a society we seem to [be] becoming more, not less, reluctant to talk comfortably and frankly about the only certainty in all our lives … death," she says, suggesting how we can "talk about something that frightens even the bravest of us" without "terrifying and confusing our innocent offspring."
She suggests taking the time to deal with one's own grief first, even gently letting your kids know "I am just too sad to talk right now" and letting another trusted adult "hold the fort" until you are able to step in and find a way to have that conversation.
"Once you feel able to give your child some undisturbed time, find a quiet place where you can snuggle up and then you can open up the conversation if they have not brought up the subject themselves," Rachel continues. "You could start a chat with a simple 'We are all so sad because daddy has died. Shall we talk about that?'"
"Always use the correct language with children – terms such as 'gone away' or 'passed' or 'gone to heaven' can be very confusing and might simply create more upset and fear."
As for how to proceed once the subject is broached, Rachel advises to be prepared for questions and then just offer as much of yourself in terms of support as you can, adopting a straightforward approach vs metaphors like "dying is just like going into a very long sleep."
"It can be helpful just to ask 'is there anything you'd like to ask me?' to let them know that you're happy to talk. Once the questions start, the golden rule is to only answer the question in front of you," she continues. "It is all too easy to let the conversation run away with us and give far more information than our child can process right now."
"Keep your answers as simple and straightforward as possible for their age. A five year old asking 'why did daddy die' can more easily handle an honest and simple 'sometimes when someone is very poorly, their body gets so tired and worn out that it stops working.'"
She advises that once you've tackled the questions in front of you, instead of rushing in with more information, it's advisable to wait and let them process the information, as well as pose any follow-up questions.
"Children need time to process what they have been told and, as long as they know they can come back to you again when another question crops up, they will feel confident to do so, when they are ready," Rachel explains.
"Eventually your child will run out of questions for now so then have hugs for as long as they want, remind them that they can come and find you if they want to talk again and then, let them run off and play."
While surprising, it's not as uncommon as you'd think. "The ease with which many young children can rush off to build a Lego tower just after a very tough conversation about death can shock parents but, if your conversation has been calm and straightforward, and you have simply answered their questions, they will feel able to return to their games with confidence."
She concludes with: "What you have talked about will gradually take root but without shocking them and they will have increased trust in you as the person they can turn to for open and honest conversations when they need them."
Rachel FitzD, Author, retired specialist midwife, and a baby and parenting expert will bespeaking at The Baby Show which returns to Olympia London from 24th – 26th October. To find out more visit www.thebabyshow.co.uk/olympia