Amanda Holden has emotionally reflected on a devastating loss nearly 15 years ago. The Britain's Got Talent judge told her close friend Alan Carr that she will "always" consider herself a mother-of-three in a heartbreaking chat about her son Theo, who was stillborn in February 2011.
Amanda, who has two daughters with her husband Chris Hughes, has spoken occasionally about their grief and has marked anniversaries on what would have been her son's birthday on social media over the years. On Friday night's episode of her BBC series Amanda & Alan's Greek Job, the 54-year-old candidly opened up to Alan about how she processed the loss of her child who is "still part" of her family.
"When we lost Theo, there wasn't one moment where I thought 'why has this happened to me?' But there also wasn't a moment where I sort of blamed God or anything," she said.
"The way I accepted it was to say that he chose me, just for those few months to see what it was like to live and develop and be in the universe, and then the universe took him back. Now I don't think that's religious, but I let him go back, and that was my belief rather than like he went back to heaven as such."
Amanda said she felt her son was "out there" in the universe and is "still part of our family", explaining to Alan that was the "only way [she] could make sense" of the loss.
"I was so lucky to have him for all that time. And even though he was born sleeping, he was perfect. I always say I'm a mother of three. Because I am."
Amanda's heartbreaking tribute
Theo was stillborn in February 2011. According to the NHS, stillborn is when a baby is born dead after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy.
Amanda marked a heartbreaking anniversary in 2024, on what would have been her son's 13th birthday and first year as a teenager. "You would have become a teenager today…" she penned to Instagram with a photo of a lit candle.
The BGT judge has spoken about her loss in the past, which inspired her emotional 2020 single, With You, and led the star to establish the Theo's Hope fund in 2018, which provides support to mums who have suffered stillbirths.
"We want to raise money for a bereavement counsellor at the centre. I had so many people to talk to, talking to somebody is absolutely paramount," Amanda explained at the time.
Amanda's family life
The star spoke to HELLO! In 2019 about her long-lasting relationship with Chris, whom she has been married to since 2008. Amanda told us that they can "make jokes out of any situation, throughout the best and darkest times of our lives." After losing their son Theo, the couple also went through Amanda becoming critically ill following the birth of their second daughter, Hollie.
"He's rubbish at romance, but he's there for the solid things, such as keeping my car clean and making sure I relax. I'm a strong, opinionated woman, but he helps me steer the Mandy ship."
The pair share two daughters: Lexi, 20, and Hollie Rose, 14.
"I think they both have a good work ethic. Lexi's super diligent and constantly wanting to help and [is] questioning how she can make herself useful in the world, which I'm thinking is definitely a female thing in our family," she told us exclusively about her girls.