Susan Lucci has recalled the "complete hopelessness" she felt following the death of her beloved husband, Helmut Huber, in 2022.
The 79-year-old admitted she "felt like half a person" after her husband of 53 years passed away in March 2022 at age 84, one month after suffering a stroke.
In her new memoir, La Lucci, which was released on February 3, Susan penned: "I believed I had lost my light. There are no words to say how much I was missing him. And with that came a feeling of complete hopelessness.
"The encouragement to remain hopeful was shared with me so many times, but the only thing I truly hoped for was for Helmut to come walking through the door."
She added: "We all want to have light. And when I thought I had lost it — well, it was crippling."
Helmut was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery after he was "slurring his words" during a phone call to his wife, Susan recalled.
© InstagramDespite the surgery going "extremely well," Susan said: "The first day, we had every hope. By the second day, however, he wasn't responding quite as much. On the third day, even less.
"It was around day three that the doctors induced a coma to help resolve the bleeding that was happening in his brain. Unfortunately, he never came out of it."
© Getty ImagesSusan added: "As the weeks went on, it had become apparent that there was absolutely no hope that Helmut would recover. He fought so hard. I know he tried to live. I could see it. But he didn't make it."
The actress felt immense "sadness" and "grief" following her husband's death and admitted that for a long time after his passing, "nothing mattered."
© Getty Images"I couldn't imagine living without Helmut. I … could … not … imagine … it," she wrote. "I sometimes still wonder, how is it that I am living and he is gone?"
She continued: "He touched everyone around him, leaving a lasting glow of love and laughter. After he passed, I thought I'd never get my light back again.
© Getty Images"But I also knew I had to make a choice and somehow find the courage to put one foot in front of the other. It was better than lying on the floor in a puddle, completely destroyed. For a while there, that is exactly how I felt. For a long time, nothing mattered."
Susan and Helmet dated for three weeks in 1969 before they married on September 13, 1969. Helmut also worked as the All My Children actress's manager, and the pair welcomed two children together, Liza and Andreas.
© Getty ImagesAt the time of his death, a statement from Susan's publicist read: "A family man, he was a loyal friend and loved them deeply.
"Helmut's passing is a tremendous loss for all who knew and loved him. He was an extraordinary husband, father, grandfather, and friend."
