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Mindy Kaling makes very rare revelation about love life and motherhood: 'I wanted it to look different'

The Sex Lives of College Girls and Never Have I Ever creator is a mom-of-two


Mindy Kaling attends the Ralph Lauren Fashion show during New York Fashion Week: The Shows at the Brooklyn Navy Yards on September 08, 2023 in New York City.
Ahad Sanwari
Ahad Sanwari - New York
Senior WriterNew York
September 19, 2023
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Mindy Kaling is famously private when it comes to her romantic life and her two children, five-year-old Katherine and two-year-old Spencer. 

But in a new interview with Bruce Bozzi on the iHeart Podcast Table for Two, the 44-year-old got real about her aspirations and frustrations with dating, especially looking back as a mother.

She discussed how when she was younger, she had a desire to find someone to settle down with as quickly as she could. "I was always obsessed with romantic love and obsessing about boys, even when I was, like, 13 or 14 years old. 

VIDEO: Mindy Kaling's strange addiction

"I was never someone that boys wanted to date or do anything, so it sort of made the passion and interest more intense," she added. "And there is also a desperation to it that makes you incredibly unhappy. In my 20s, [I wanted] to find someone, anyone, to settle down with," saying later: "All my twenties, I would date guys for two or three years and then break up."

Mindy also discussed how that affected her social life, especially when it came to the prevalent Hollywood social scene, and her growing disdain for it.

"In my thirties, I started to really despise going to parties out here," she said. "I started to really like the vibe of going to friends' houses when they have kids. On one level I wanted to have children, on another level I wanted my social life to change. I wanted it to look different.

Mindy Kaling's son Spencer pictured in a birthday celebration at home© Instagram
Mindy opened up about her desire for children and frustrations with dating

"I didn't need to be going to some house in the Hills in, like, Outpost or The Birds, where there is no parking and you walk into a party that is just a bunch of dudes my age who are interested in [younger] women."

She poignantly discussed how her desire for children grew when her mother passed away in 2012. "I feel blessed because equal to my desire to find a man, I wanted to have children. 

MORE: Mindy Kaling wows in plunging jumpsuit and sky-high heels – and it's dazzling

"And that intensified when my mother died. I didn't want to be on my deathbed…and not have anybody around my bed. I wanted there to be kids and I wanted there to be grandkids."

Mindy Kaling dropping her daughter Katherine "Kit" off on her first day of school© Instagram
She revealed that she'd always wanted kids, and the passing of her mother intensified it

The actress and writer, who is notoriously private when it comes to the unknown father of her children, added: "The thing that was the most important thing to me was this relationship to these phantom children that I didn't have. 

MORE: Mindy Kaling glows in confident bikini photos

"I pictured I would live in New York City and they would come visit me to go see plays together and we would have lunch at the Polo Lounge for dinner. They would hang out with me in my sixties and seventies."

mindy kaling black gown producers guild awards 2023© Getty Images
"I was always obsessed with romantic love and obsessing about boys, even when I was, like, 13 or 14 years old."

Back in June, after celebrating her birthday, Mindy elaborated on the same thought with a rare photo of her two kids. She wrote: "I was never a 'kid' person. When my mom passed though, it just clicked in me: I wanted kids with such intense certainty. I bet some of you can relate. 

BUY: Mindy Kaling's summer swimwear looks are 'so flattering' – here are my faves

"Now I'm just trying to be present for them (hard for me! I'm impatient!), being up for anything (again hard for me, I am not whimsical!), and stay healthy for these two guys (ALSO hard! I just want to eat cheesesteaks every meal in front of the TV) for until I'm an old gray skeleton they're like 'mom, you gotta go'. 

Mindy Kaling's two children accompanying her on a retreat shared on her birthday© Instagram
She celebrated her love for her children with a rare photo shared on her birthday

"Man, there are ups and downs in this life!! But my ups seem to be the most important ones right now. Thanks for my birthday love."

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