Do you have the Christmas blues? As December rolls around, the lights switch on, the shops are playing Christmas carols, and social media, along with every Christmas advert on television, the radio, or street billboards, is filled with images of perfect homes, smiling families, and impeccably decorated tables laden with food, straight out of a magazine.
It all seems so perfect but your reality isn't matching that idealistic Christmas card. (Or perhaps it does, but it's just not a card that fills you with excitement.)
You just feel exhausted, and feel knots in your stomach - you can't think of anything more excruciating than facing the crowds in the shops or hitting the party circuit. It could be that this happens to you every year - or perhaps, for whatever reason, it's your first time experiencing it.
It's not uncommon to be weathering the winter holidays while also coping with grief, illness, heartbreak, family conflicts, painful memories, menopause, a financial crisis, the list goes on and on. You might just be unhappy about your desired plans for this special time of year not working out. Feeling this way is completely normal.
While some consider this period to be the best time of the year, many of us feel much more vulnerable than usual when the holiday season arrives.
Psychologists from online mental health service Unobravo explain how this kind of pressure can lead us to be burdened with emotions like anxiety, frustration or even a feeling of failure.
Feelings of loneliness and sadness increase, and our self-esteem can take a knock if we don't fit the mould of those idyllic images we see daily, or if we can’t make it to as many gatherings as we supposedly should.
Even if it seems like you're the only one caught in this loop, you're not alone. It's important to remember that you don’t have to fulfil other people's expectations - or expectations we impose on ourselves.
That said, even if we know we must allow ourselves to feel whatever we are experiencing at any given moment, without comparing ourselves to others, we also know that that's easier said than done.
How to enjoy an imperfect Christmas: 5 strategies for building resilience
We can all try to make our Christmas a bit better, even if the context doesn't meet the socially accepted standard of "perfection". Unobravo's experts identified several strategies we can follow:
- Embrace the concept of an "imperfect" Christmas. Be aware that things might not go as planned, and that, just like any other day in our lives, unexpected events and conflicts can arise. Knowing this, as the mental health experts say, "will allow you to experience Christmas in a more relaxed way".
- Accept that the season is not about material things - even if it seems like it. Instead of obsessing over material details, focus on what truly matters: appreciating the moments that you have. "The goal of Christmas is to experience and enjoy it, not to have the most impeccable decorations or for it to be perfect. Gratitude for smaller things that are going well can significantly improve your emotional well-being."
- Disconnect from social media. Although we know it's difficult, stop scrolling. And if you do take a peek at social media, remember one mantra: everything you see is an idealised version of reality. It's what people choose to show the world - it's not their lives warts and all.
- Set boundaries and prioritise what genuinely makes you happy. Let yourself off the hook - you don't need to follow every tradition or be at every single event.
- Focus on connecting with yourself and with those who truly matter to you.
Simple ways to find your Christmas spirit
Completely escaping the festive season is hard - almost impossible. You're extremely lucky if you can book a flight and run away to somewhere that doesn't celebrate. However, there's no need to go to extremes. Celebrating Christmas despite the hardships we might be facing is possible if we know how to go about it.
Having no plans - or having too many, against our will - doesn't mean we can't do a few things that do spark joy. We can put up the tree at the last minute, prepare a dinner with friends, go to the cinema to see a film, or simply do nothing Christmassy at all.
Instead, motivate yourself by treating yourself to an indulgence, no matter how small, you've wanted for a while.
It doesn't have to be the trip of a lifetime, a small getaway, or an afternoon at a spa. You can just focus on self-care, dedicating time to your hobbies or quietly spending more time with loved ones or pets.
Therapy as an ally: Mental health practices to manage holiday pressure
If the discomfort goes further and none of these strategies seems to help, therapy is your best option. You can seek help at anytime, from the moment you have doubts about getting through the season. "When the pressures of Christmas or your emotions start to significantly affect your well-being, seeking support through therapy can be very beneficial," say Unobravo's experts.
What practices can we follow to try and improve our mental health and have the right tools to face these celebrations? Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps "identify and modify irrational thoughts and beliefs around perfection and comparing yourself to others", while Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps you to be more capable of "fostering the acceptance of experiences and emotions without judgment.”
You can also practice mindfulness. "Focusing on our personal growth and authenticity can help us connect with our emotional needs and define what we want and expect from the festive season," the psychologists conclude.