Victoria Beckham has revealed that she has had a lifelong battle with an eating disorder in her new Netflix documentary. The former Spice Girl, 51, shared that she hid it from her family, saying she became good at lying. "I really started to doubt myself and not like myself and because I let it affect me, I didn't know what I saw when I looked in the mirror," she shared. "Was I fat? Was I thin? I don't know, you lose all sense of reality. I was just very critical of myself. I didn't like what I saw. I have been everything from porky posh to skinny posh, I mean, it's been a lot and that's hard," she revealed.
"I had no control over what was being written about me or the pictures that were being taken and I suppose I wanted to control that. I could control it with the clothing, I could control my weight. I was controlling my weight in an incredibly unhealthy way," the star added.
Victoria's insecurities about her body began when she was a teenager and won a place at the Laine Theatre school in Epsom, Surrey, which she revealed her parents funded by remortgaging their home in Hertfordshire. Despite her hard work she says she felt she wasn't the best dancer or singer - in addition to feeling like she looked different to her classmates.
© Getty"I didn't look like a lot of the other girls," she shared. "That's where I started getting a lot of criticism about my appearance, my weight."
"I remember the principal of the theatre school saying to me, you know, at the end of the show we are going to just fly in. 'You girls can be flown in' - meaning that we weren't looking as aesthetically pleasing as some of the others, 'so we'll just fly you in the back."
© InstagramHer eating disorder also affected her relationship with those closest to her. "When you have an eating disorder you become very good at lying. And I was never honest about it with my parents," she shared.
"I never spoke about it publicly, it really affects you. When you're told constantly you're not good enough. And I suppose that's been with me my whole life."
© Dave Benett/WireImageThe mum of four also recalled a moment when she was weighed on live television by Chris Evans on the Channel 4 show TFI Friday to see if she had lost her baby weight mere months after giving birth to her eldest son Brooklyn in 1999. While she laughed it off at the time, the young mum found it hurtful.
"I was weighed on national television," Victoria shared. 'Get on those scales, have you lost the weight?' we laugh about it and we joke about it but I was really, really young and that hurts."
The three-part documentary series will air on Netflix on October 9.
